Sweet Dreams & Fine Machines in Pieces on the Ground

You might not want to read this one...

so feel free to leave at any moment.

Just sayin'.


So what is wrong with me!
I think maybe I have Aspergers (or however you spell it).
But even if I do, isn't that just "an excuse"? If a doctor diagnosed me with it, would I simply dismiss this crap because, "I do have Aspergers, after all."


Here's what started this shit today.
I was walking down the hall with a teacher (to go fix my work e-mail), when I remembered I had "friended" him on FaceBook, and he had ignored me.

Okay, so I don't really know him that well, but there are soooo many others who work there who *have* accepted my friend request, and I don't really know them so well... And I really admire him and think he's just so... cool! (NO, I am not looking for an affair. I firmly believe he's gay.)

...And why don't I have any real friends, anyway? Oh, I have friends, but they're really *family*, so they sort of love me by default, ya know?

...So maybe I'm not "normal", but, really, who is?

And if I'm not "normal enough" to fit in, then maybe I really do belong with those weirdo's I hang out with once in awhile who are all Pagans.

...But I don't really feel "right" with them, either.

So... who *do* I fit in with? The "popular kids" don't want me. I don't want "the weirdo's". So where do I go?

And usually it's fine with me that I'm that odd bus token in a bag of coins, but then... sometimes... it just really gets to me.
And then I get all depressed and worried that there's something really wrong with me. And why *don't* I have friends, anyway.

Okay, so I don't always follow "the norm". I don't get too involved with others. I don't ask probing questions, 'cause I figure if someone wants me to know all that personal stuff, they'll TELL me!
But then, I also figure if they want to know personal stuff about *me*, they'll ASK me.
... So just how fucked up *is* that?


Or maybe I don't even wanna know. Maybe I'll just stroll along for a couple of months or so, feeling just fine, until that third or fourth month when I start getting this low feeling and wondering why I have no true deep friendships other than my family.

You know, family's not so bad.
They put up with my bullshit and STILL love me in spite of it all.


... But there's still this nagging little feeling that a truly good friend would still love me too, in spite of it all.




...Maybe I need to see somebody.





Maybe I'll just have some wine, instead.

Everybody Has One

So I went to visit my Mom this past weekend. (BadBoy & I left on Friday and came back yesterday.) She's doing well. She's looking good too. =-)

Her husband, Millionaire Man (MM) is still the same. Can't remember if I've posted about him before, but let me just sum him up like this:

He's a great guy... as long as you sit and listen to his stories (no matter how many times you've heard them), don't interrupt him, laugh at all of his jokes, and don't disagree with him.

Anyway, MM is writing his life stories. He can't even tell a story out loud without messing it up, like when he's. But then he just goes into the next. And then, well, never mind.

That's sort of how he talks, so I can only imagine how fucked up that book of life stories will be. But it keeps him busy. And he does it every day, so I did at least get to have a few minutes each morning with my Mom without having him having to be the center of attention.

But it got me thinking... Everybody has their own stories, and everybody wants to be heard, you know? I guess that's why this Blogging shit is so popular! People just want to have their side listened to.

Or maybe there are those who want to be listened to, and those who want to listen. There are plenty of people who blog EVERY day. Now *they* want to be heard. Me? I don't really think there's that much that I have to say that's *that* important...

So that's probably why I don't blog that much.

It's not that there's nothing in my head! 'Cause I have conversations with myself in my head all the time! Don't get me wrong.

I just don't think there's anybody who'd be all that interested in what's in my head.

So I follow all these blogs, and I have another blog that's my "polite" blog, and I follow lots of blogs on there (way more than I follow on this one!).

So why don't I share whatever's going on in my head and life like everybody else?

I don't know.

Even BadBoy asks me why I don't talk to him!

I mean, I talk to him, just not about every little thing that's going on up in my head.

And for SOME idiotic reason, I cannot talk to him much about sex.

WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?!?!?

I don't even pretend to know.

And the sad thing is, I don't know how to change. I try.

...

Wow! I changed the subject without even realizing it, and spewed a bunch of shit before I could stop myself! Sorry 'bout that!

I started this post to talk with you about how everybody has their own story, and how they just want someone to listen to it...

I think I need to go do the laundry.

And cut, bread & freeze some okra.

And clean my bathroom! I've been avoiding that...

By the way, that's my beautiful Mother up there, in a photo from 1956 when she was just twenty years old. And that means she's 73 now. And she's still beautiful!

p.s. Vodka Mom? I hugged her once for you.

Find It Friday

Amy over at http://amysaysmeh.blogspot.com/ is starting a "Find It Friday" and I've decided to give it a try!

Amy's first assignment is "Pigs"!

...

...It's not starting out very well, though...

My original idea was to take a picture of my two daughters... on the couch... eating... while watching tv...

But they've been in and out all week... mostly out! And when one has been here, the other hasn't.

I've searched this house high and low but I can't find a single tiny pig ANYWHERE!!!

And I don't live in the country, so it's not like I've seen any outside anywhere...

Sooo...

Since that plan fell through, I thought I'd get a picture of the "next best thing"...

My dog is apparently the only "pig" available for photos around here! =-P

Here she is "waiting patiently" for breakfast:

(She was whining the whole time, but in a sort-of whisper, so I wouldn't fuss!)

Here she is bringing me her bowl, as in, "Hint hint, human!":

(Isn't she just adorable?)

And here is "the pig":

(Looking at me as if saying, "How are you going to embarrass me NOW? Oh, who cares. I'm eatin'!)

So, Amy... Not sure if this is what you had in mind... I know it's not what I had in mind! =-P But it's an entry, no matter what! =-)

So What's Your Story...?

I was thinking about my sexual history yesterday. We all have one, you know... Some are "juicier" than others, but we all have our own story.

Mine begins when I was about 8, 9, 10, 11... Somewhere in there.

It was totally involuntary.

I have a brother who is six years older than I am, and I adored him. He taught me how to ride a bike. He taught me how to tie my shoes. He didn't seem to mind too much if I followed him around (and those of us with older brothers/sisters know how important that is to us!). He would play guitar and I would sing. He would perform "magic" and I would "ooh" and "ahh" in all the right places...

But then one day...

I was in his room. I do not remember why I was there, or what we were doing, or how I ended up on his lap... I was across his lap, face down (like when you get a spanking). It was summer so I had on shorts... Next thing I knew, he had his finger up my pussy! I jumped off his lap so fast you'd have thought I'd been burned. I don't remember what I said or did after that. But I have never been able to forget that he did that to me.

I've never confronted him about it... I figured it's best to forgive and move on.

It happened. It can't be changed. It is simply "what was".

The next chapter in my sexual history is when I was about 13 or 14. I began to "get off" in the shower. You know, to lie down in the shower and let the water hit my clit. Of course, there were fantasies to go along with it, in which I was "the innocent" who was "overtaken" by the mad scientist, unable to stop him from "doing things" to me...

By the time I was 15 I'd been "dating" this boy "R" for almost 4 years. We had decided to get married when we were "old enough", and he had been slightly pressuring me to have sex. I figured, "we're getting married anyway. What's the difference if we do it now or in 3 years..." So a few months before my 16th birthday, we went to a hotel and I "lost" my virginity. (I've never really liked that phrase. If you lost it, can you find it again...? I did not lose it. I decided to have sex with someone I loved.) We continued dating (and consequently fucking) for almost a year when...
My parents divorced and I moved with my Mom to another town about an hour away.

Apparently I don't do good with long-distance relationships.

Next was Kevin. He was such a sweet boy! He was a virgin when we met... I discovered with him that some guys' dicks are not straight. =-) (His curved to the left. Worked just fine, though!)

Then I graduated from high school and moved out of town to live with my sister. No.

Really? I moved to get away from my Mom.

Did I mention that I apparently don't do well at long-distance relationships? Well...

Next was Alan.

God did he ever have an ego.

Alan was no good for me, but I didn't realize it until I started having suicidal thoughts.

(Okay. Now I sound psycho.)

Let me back up just a bit.

Alan was VERY cute. He had a big dick (or so he told me). He was 23 (five years older than I was), married (though I didn't know it at the time), and had three children! I (inexperienced and naive as I was) thought he was kinky just because he wanted me to wear my cowgirl boots while we had sex one time. (Young and dumb, that was me.)

One day I woke to the sound of his voice. He was on the phone with his wife. That's when I found out that he was still in love with his wife, and that they were only separated, not divorced like he told me. I layed there, pretending to still be asleep while he talked to his wife on the phone...

I don't remember what happened after that. I don't think I ever talked to him about it. But I think he realized that she wasn't going to take him back, because he later asked me to move to California with him when he got out of the Air Force... That was a nice excuse for me to extricate myself from his life and not look back.

Then I wasn't looking for a boyfriend. I took a karate class with a female friend, and there I met Bill. Bill wasn't handsome. Bill wasn't vain. Bill wasn't mean. Bill wasn't married. In other words, Bill was everything that Alan was not. Bill was a missionary-position type of guy.

Bill was SAFE.

Bill was the perfect guy for me after a guy like Alan.

After Bill was Charlie. Charlie was a nice, happy-go-lucky kind of guy. We even got engaged, but I realized that it wasn't the right thing at the right time when I was talking to my sister one day about getting married and I told her, "It's okay. I can always get a divorce."

Yep. Young and stupid.

After Charlie came BadBoy. He turned out to be THE one. =-)

Honestly, I didn't really know it at the time. I actually just "lucked up" with him.

My big sister called me one day and said there was a guy who lived next door to her best friend and he had asked her out on a date, but she wasn't dating at the time, so she told him she knew someone who would go out with him - and she called me!

This is my Sexual history, but I'll get into the sexcapades I've had with BadBoy on another post... 'cause it's gonna take a while! =-P

So, what's your story? =-)

So You Think You Can

I don't even know when's the last time I posted, and I'm too lazy today to go look.

How lame is that.

But I'm here now.

Not much has been going on. So... not much to write about.

Yep. My life has been rather boring lately.

Been watching "So You Think You Can Dance" with my teen daughters. We *really* like that show. But we never vote. Of course we critique it ... from the comfort of our couch.

We DVR the show, so we usually watch it "sans" commercials, plus we always skip whatever Mary is saying. (She has such an irritating voice... And that *SCREAM*! Don't even get me started!) It's amazing! We can watch a two-hour show in about 40 minutes.

Yes, you read that right. I'll let you re-read it just to be sure.

We skip the commercials, most of what Cat Deely repeats, the repeated stuff from the last week, everything Mary says, ALL of the "coming up" stuff (do they really think we will stop watching if they just go to commercial without telling us what we'll miss if we stop watching?!), and, depending on who has control of the holy remote, whatever else isn't "the dance" from this week's show.

BUT WE LOVE THE SHOW!!! (Our abbreviated version, anyway.)

Future topic:

TYRA BANKS, girl!

We are loving Tyra in this house lately!

So... How about you?

What's been a "must-see" at your place lately? Are you hooked on something/someone?

Do tell!

=-)

Is It Just Me...?

Am I crazy?!?

Am I the only one...?

Some days I want to dress up like a faery

and some days I want to dress like a pirate.

And some days I just want to dress like a bad-ass biker chick!

Some days I want Halloween to be every other weekend, 'cause I want to be a witch, a princess, a sex-kitten, an artist, a crazy person, a bag lady, a porn star, a hot librarian, a stripper, an alcoholic, a child!...

Some days I feel so smart

and some days I'm stupid.

Some days I'm so full of energy and/or creativity

and some days I just want to stay at home and do nothing at all!

Am I bi-polar, or do I have multiple personalities...?

Or is this just simply the craziness that is my life?!?

Whatever.

All I know is...

BadBoy truly deserves a medal, an award, AND a secret closet to hide in on some days (from me)!!!

Now where did I put that wine...? ::wanders off in search, mumbling to self:: "I know it's past noon somewhere..."

My Life As A...

Just to let you know how fucked-up my life is:

Case #1:

Apparently my sense of humor is so wack that...

Things I think are *hilarious* are just kind of "huh?" for everybody else. I cannot tell you how many times I'll say something and then proceed to laugh my ass off while those around me just sort of sit there looking like they don't even speak English. Or like, maybe, *I* don't!

This really bugs me. It can be sooo frustrating at times.

Other times I think it only adds to the funny, and I laugh even harder!

Screw 'em if they don't get the joke!

Case #2:

I am 46 years old, and I have a little sister, Z, who is 20 (only five months older than my daughter... which is fucked-up by itself). I hold Z up to my two daughters as an example of what *not* to do.

For instance...

I got a phone call from Z the other day. Here's how it went:

Me: "Hello?"

Z: "Evil, can you pee in a cup for me?"

Me: "Huh?"

Z: "I need you to pee in a cup for me!"

Me: "Whaa...?"

Z: "Yeah, Pat's girlfriend has a friend and she's supposed to take a piss test, and if she fails it she'll lose her kid."

Me: (Read quickly, 'cause I was talking fast, let me tell you! And start reading her response *while* you're reading my shit, 'cause that's pretty much how the conversation went at this point.) "Wait... What? Who's Pat? What the hell are you talking about? Who's this friend of a friend of..., and what did she do to maybe have her child taken away? How can you even *ask* me to do something like that?! I don't even know this person! I can't believe you would *ask* me this!! How can"

Z: (Obviously *not* listening to me, because she's talking to some one else while I'm blathering on,) "What? No, I know she'd pass it! Huh? Who? Oh. Okay. (to me) What Evil? Oh, whatever. Never mind. Somebody else is going to do it. We don't need you. Thanks, though. Love you, bye."

Me: "Wha?!?" (then to BadBoy) "What the HELL just happened?!?! (finally hung up phone) I CANNOT BELIEVE HER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT Z JUST DID?!?! OH *HAY'ULL* NO!!! Where's a notebook?! (digging through drawers) I'm gonna start writing down all this crazy shit she asks me to do! (still digging) Where's that notebook? Do you KNOW what she just asked me?!"

BadBoy (backing away): "Nooo..."

Me: "Oh my *god*, I'm so mad! (found notebook) I didn't even know how to respond to her! (found pen) I *should* have told her she's out of her mind! (shuffling through pages to find an empty one) And that I'm tired of her calling me only when she needs shit!!"

BadBoy: (just standing there looking. He's good. He's had a *bit* of practice at times like this. He just looks concerned and acts like he's listening, 'cause he knows from experience NOT to say ANYTHING!)

I explained the conversation to him (re-read the above, but more dramatically this time, if you want the full experience of the moment... or whatever)...

Anyway.

He helped me to calm down and he helped put things in perspective for me.

As usual.

I'm tellin' you,

he's good.

But I came away from it with just one *more* example of "what NOT to do" to tell my daughters.

Believe me, they know by now.

Actually?

(And I think here comes Case #3)

Now that I think about it, I don't think they even listen to me anymore. (Can you hear my ego being crushed?)

I think they just *look like* they're listening.

But I can't tell.

I need to go see the Wizard.

I need to get a Brain.

Retractable

I have always been open and honest with my daughters about boys and sex and love and all that goes along with that.

When Bunny was about 5 years old, she asked me where babies come from.

We sat down with a fairly-age-appropriate book, and I read and explained the pictures to her.

As they have grown, I have answered their questions, and listened to whatever they felt like sharing with me.

There have been times, of course, when it was just a bit too much information, but I listened anyway ('cause it's most likely been vice-versa, ya know).

I always wanted them to know that I am there for them, and that they can tell me anything or ask me anything, and I will always listen and answer with the truth.

I have very frequently said over the years, "If you don't really want to know, don't ask me!", so of course, they have adopted this stance with me, too.

They came to me when they thought it was time to buy a bra.

They came to me when they wanted advice about school dances.

They came to me when they got boyfriends (and Bunny cried and cried on my shoulder when her "first true love" broke up with her).

And they came to me when they thought it was time to go on the pill ('cause I'm ALL about protection! "No Glove, No Love" is frequently heard in our house.). I even buy condoms for them, 'cause I don't want any excuses.

A couple of weeks ago we went on a 4 hour drive to go visit my Mother, and on the ENTIRE trip, we (they) talked about sex the entire time!!!

(Did I mention the drive was FOUR hours?!)

So I suppose what happened the other night really shouldn't suprise me.

But I suppose I am still "shockable".

My 19-year-old daughter Bunny asked me if I'd like to go for a walk with her. No biggie. She just wanted company as she walked the dog.

We chatted about this and that as we strolled down the street.

Of course she, being a horn-dog like her father, began talking about her typical topic - sex.

I don't exactly remember how the conversation rolled around to this ('cause I was doing good to keep putting one foot in front of the other), but she proclaimed,

"I wish I had a penis! It would be so cool to have a penis. But I don't want a regular penis, or a strap-on. I want a Retractable Penis!"

Holy shit!

What?!

Apparently she wants a penis that she can use when she wants to, similar to a strap-on but it has feeling in it, yet be able to put it away (but not too far!) when she doesn't want to use it. (Sort of like a horse has, I guess.)

She still wants to have a pussy, she just wants a penis TOO!

Talk about having your cake and fucking it too. Damn!

I guess that's one of the problems with today's generation, isn't it? They just want every-damn-thing!

So, what's next? A semi-sex-change? How do you explain that one to a doctor? "Hey doc, do you think you could do me a REALLY big favor...?"

I'll leave it for another day to tell you about the things my 17-year-old tells me...

Like

Okay, don't get me wrong.

I love my life (on the majority of days).

I have been married to the (almost) perfect man for just over twenty-five years now, and we are STILL in love with each other.

I have two wonderful daughters (despite the fact that they are teen-agers), who STILL love me and BadBoy.

I have a dog who is smarter than most, and she actually listens to us (most of the time).

We (finally) have fenced in the backyard (after much begging from moi - for almost seventeen years! So you can see why this is a big deal, right?).

As the bumper stickers and t-shirts say,

"Life is good".

BUT

I abhor those blogs that are all sunshine and hearts and fluffy bunnies!!!

THIS blog is for me to vent, bitch, moan, whine, cuss, complain and etc.

This is NOT for fluffy bunnies and sunshine!

Oh, don't get me wrong. I will, on occasion, have sunshine.

But not on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis, if I don't feel like it.

It will be only on an "as-needed" basis.

And I will get raunchy and crass as necessary! So you have been warned.

I believe I've addressed this here once before, but this one is just for absolute clarification.

So...

Bitch, bitch, bitch!

Moan, groan, complain!

Whine, beg, curse!

Feel free to join me at any time! ;-)

"Misery" loves company, as they say. (Whoever "they" are.)

And know that I'll still love and respect you in the morning. ::smile::

Chocolate

Oh dayum!
Last night I dreamed I had a baby boy.
It was such a sweet dream. ::dreamy smile::

And then, I woke up this morning feeling all la la dreamy and remembering the sweet smell of my babies, when, suddenly

it struck me!

Oh Hellllll No.

I'm 40-what now, and I'd be 60-WHAT when he's 20?!?!

Oh Heyall No!

I've Been Running Around

... so to speak, anyway.

I've been wasting, umm, spending time reading blogs. Interesting blogs with followers with interesting names that lead me to other interesting blogs, with interestsing followers with...

You get the picture, right.

Anyway, all this to tell you about this title of a blog I stumbled across today (by http://www.scandaloushousewife.net/) that really has me thinking.

It's deep.

And I love it!

Are you ready?

Okay! Here goes:

"It would be a totally different world if semen tasted like Chocolate. "

No, really!
Think about it!

Women have the power because they have the pussy.
But if *cum* tasted like *Chocolate*... then *men* would have the power, don't you think?
Everything would be different!

Seriously!
Think about it...

It's deep.

Willie-Nillie

Amy over at Meh tagged me! ...sort-of

I say sort-of because I'm too lame for anyone to tag me for real.

And because I only have 2 (count 'em, two) followers. Yeah, that too.

Anyway, if you're reading this, (a) thank you, and (b) you should try it. :-)

I haven't blogged in so long that I thought maybe this would be the perfect thing to bring me back, so to speak.

The guidelines:

1. Respond and rework.

Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention; add a question of your own.

2. Tag eight other un-tagged people.

(Easy enough, right?)

What is your current obsession? Reading about gardening; veggies, herbs, composting, etc. I'm trying to get ready for planting, and I'm not sure what on earth I'm doing! (Help!)

Good fika place? (That would be coffee to us non-Swedes) Ummm... Not wild about coffee. Matter of fact, I don't really like coffee, so I just put lots of sugar and l-o-t-s of cream in it 'cause I sure do like the hyper-active buzz I get with it. :-)

Do you nap a lot? Almost never. I wake up waaay too grouchy if I nap.

Who was the last person you hugged? That would be BadBoy. :-)

What’s for dinner? Aaak! This is the most dreaded question of my every-day! I hate trying to figure out on a daily (or almost daily) basis what I'll be making for supper! But tonight is easy. BadBoy just rushed in, fixed himself a sandwich & chips, and rushed out on the way to an old-car meeting. Daughters are out, so I don't have to worry about supper tonight. La, lala, la la, la. :-)

What was the last thing you bought? Groceries. And lots of them. It had been a while since I last got them...

What are you listening to right now? The hum of the refrigerator.

What is your favourite weather? Sunny, slight breeze, warm (70s or 80s), blue sky with a few clouds swooshing here and there...

What’s on your bedside table? Ummm... Have to go check that...

A bunch of shit that's not mine: three books (two on finances), glasses and three glasses cases, a glass cat figurine, a fairy figurine, and, of course, DUST!

Say something to the person/s who tagged you: Hi Amy! :-) Thanks for the good idea.

If you could have a house, totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? On the coast somewhere, like Italy/Sicily or France or Greece... or even California or Mexico... or basically any coast, I guess!

Favourite vacation spot? I don't really have one, but I guess it's just the beach, in general.

Name the things you can’t live without. Food, water, my family (especially BadBoy), and... love.

What would you like to have in your hands right now? A Long Island Iced Tea (alcohol version, of course) Winning lottery ticket would be nice, too.

What is your favourite tea flavour? Other than the afore-mentioned Long Island Iced, I really don't like tea. And I was born and raised in the South! I know. That's blasphemous, but it's true. And I'm all about the truth today.

What would you like to get rid of? Thirty pounds. The dust on my furniture. Things that bother me. Bad habits. Should I continue? (I'll take that as a "NO!")

What would you most like to change about yourself? (my question) My lack of ability to make plans. My obsession with crap on the computer. My inability to drop whatever trivial shit I'm doing when BadBoy calls ('cause he can totally do that for me, and he quite frequently does!).

What did you want to become as a child? A teacher. But I've kind of grown out of that. Teachers have to put up with waaaaaay too much bullshit nowadays.

What object can you look at, and smile, and feel yourself relaxing? (This is Amy's question) A baby. Especially a baby that's sleeping. Puppies. Kittens. My flowers that are blooming right now that I just planted this past Fall. BadBoy when he stares into my eyes with that look in his eyes. :-)

What are you reading right now? Umm... Duh. The computer.

Oh, what book? Oh. Well, I've been trying to read "The Shack". My Christian sister recommended it to me, and actually gave it to me. So I'm trying to be a good sister, and I'm trying to read it. It's okay so far.

What's your favourite brand of jeans? This question and the one below are really wasted on a person like me. I usually hate to shop for clothes. It's 'okay' to do it if one or both of my daughters are with me, but generally... Ugh. So, favorite jeans? Don't have them, except for whatever is in my drawer that fits.

What designer piece of clothing would you most like to own (new or vintage)? Ummm... Well... If I had to choose something... I guess it would be... a beautiful dress (or skirt & top) that fit me well and looked fabulous on me and I felt like a million bucks in! Oh, and that I didn't have to go to a store, into a dressing room to try on. :-) (Hey, I'm dreaming here anyway, right?)

Now, to comply with the other guideline:

I tag:

You! If you are reading this, please copy and paste and let me know you've done it, so I can go to your blog and read your answers.

And Amy, this obviously doesn't apply to you. :-)

But you probably already knew that.

And I'm probably being presumptuous in assuming that you'll even read this.

Sorry.

Okay. Anybody wanna give it a go?

I'm not gonna beg.

Do it or don't. Your choice. [grin]

Slut

I married a bad boy.

I didn't know he was a perverted bad boy when I married him.
Nope.
That "monster" sneaked slowly and stealthily into our bedroom. ::evil grin::

*You* know.
One evening it's, "How about if we try tying your wrists with these soft silk ties?"
A few weeks later it's, "What about if I tie this bandana over your eyes for a blindfold?"

Flash forward a few years, and he's dragging me to BDSM "meet-n-greets", buying wrist restraints and floggers, and parading me around naked with nothing on but heels and a collar!

Don't ask me how it happened. I guess I was noted a couple of times saying, "I'll try anything once!" What I thought was a totally innocent saying was actually an invitation to BadBoy. ::grin::

And, once you've invited like-minded individuals to your place to watch you flogging your wife, it's soon going to follow that there's a bit of light "swapping" going on, I guess.
If you're BadBoy, anyway.

All this just to work up to telling you that we went to the Swingers Club last night.


(I'll wait. I think you just dropped something.)


Yes, this is *one* reason I started writing as my Evil Twin Sister. ::grin::



We've been to the swingers club before, but it's been three and a half years since the last time.

But BadBoy has a birthday coming up, and our dear friend E suggested to me that *maaaybe* I would like to take BadBoy back to the club as a surprise...
For his upcoming b'day...
And maybe E and his girlfriend Y could go too...
You know, just to keep us company...

Hmmmmm.

I approached the subject with BadBoy, and of course he was all over it like a fly on shit!

So I spent the past two weeks discussing it with BadBoy.

"There will be *no* expectations, right?" I asked him.
"Oh, of course not! I think that was one of our problems before. I went there expecting us to get into something with somebody (read 'anybody'), so we always got disappointed," he said.

"I *don't* have to find some guy so you can watch me suck his dick, right?" I whined.
"No pressure, no expectations," he said.

And he was good to his word.

And we had a good time.


The very first time we went to the Swingers Club, I was scared to death!
The one hour car ride had my mind in a tizzy and my stomach doing sommersaults. The *entire* way there, I wanted to jump out of the car and *hitch hike* back home. I just knew that as soon as we walked in the door, there would be wall-to-wall naked bodies, rubbing and licking and fucking all over the place.


I'm very happy to report that my worries were completely unfounded. ::grin::


We got there and had to register and pay. (It seems hefty, but they have a continual buffet, mixers, a DJ, a pool, hot tubs, etc... Not to mention what they have upstairs!)
Then we had to take the "new people tour". That *felt* a bit like they were merely waving fresh meat in front of the rabid dogs, but nobody bothered us really.

There were no naked people anywhere when we did our tour. (We'd gotten there a bit early. Can you say "eager BadBoy"?)
Our "guide" comforted me by specifically letting me know that "women are really in charge here". Meaning they don't want any "hound-dogging" going on. Matter of fact, they only let a very *few* unaccompanied men in the place! If a guy approaches you, and you politely turn down his advances, and he offends or hassles you in any way, you merely need to let someone who works there know, and they'll put him out.

It's actually a very nice place to go if you're looking to have fun in a safe and "at ease" place.

Wow. I sound like I'm selling it...
But I don't really know who is reading this blog, or what kind of experiences you've had (or not), and I know there are a lot of misconceptions out there about swingers and swingers clubs.

Anyway.

We had a very good time.
We danced. A lot. It's been a looong time since we danced together. (3 1/2 years, to be exact. I know because BadBoy wrote it in his CrackBerry last time we were there, and what [who] we [i] did!)

I even danced with this cute couple. BadBoy had to pee and I didn't want to stop dancing, and E and Y were sitting at our table, so I just sashayed my butt over to this cute couple and proceeded to dance with them.

They didn't seem to mind.


BadBoy and I danced a lot. It's fun dancing with the man you love, and he can rub your breasts, and he can lift up your dress and feel your ass, and he can pull your top down just a bit and suckle on your nipple. It's FUN! It's especially fun because it's LEGAL and you don't get in trouble for it.

Matter of fact, it merely encourages others to try it too. ::grin:: (I mean with their own girl.)

After a *lot* of dancing, and a *little* wine, BadBoy asked if I wanted to go see what was happening upstairs.

Well, yeah!


Maybe I should explain "upstairs" for those not-in-the-know.

Upstairs there are a lot of rooms with a lot of beds, and porn playing in some rooms. There are private rooms you can go in and close the door (and lock it if you want). (And yes, they change the sheets after you come out.) There are also non-private rooms that have multiple places to sit and lie down.

This is where you can go to watch and be watched.

We went in one of the non-private rooms - "we" being BadBoy and me. E and Y had already gone upstairs before us, and they sort of disappeared in the masses, so to speak. After we went in the biggest room, we noticed E and Y on one of the beds, so we went over near them. I guess most people like being around somebody they already know. Well, it's magnified in this type of situation, I guess. ::grin::

E and Y were doing various stuff (she likes to change positions frequently), and I had BadBoy sit on an ottoman and I sat at his feet and proceeded to "blow his mind".

For the record, just let me say that I like to suck dick.

I know some women do not.
I feel sorry for them.
And for their men!

But I don't like to just suck on it so it will cum.
No.
I like to "worship" it!
I don't know what it is about it. I just like it.

Allow me to brag just a bit and tell you there have been many men who have told me, "Wow! I don't usually cum from a blow job!"

What can I say.

I should give classes. ::big evil grin::


One sort of strange thing: While I was sucking on BigBoy, a man who had been fucking some woman on the adjoining bed walked over and asked BigBoy, "Wanna trade?"
Thankfully BigBoy said, "Not right now man."

Whew! He passed that test! lol

Anyway, after I blew BadBoy's mind, he noticed the time.
And Cinderella had to get home!

We left without disturbing E and Y. They were beginning to sort-of play with the couple beside them. Looked hopeful. (She not only likes to switch positions a lot - Y also likes to switch *men* a lot!)

BadBoy will call E today to apologize for leaving without "goodbyes".

::Yawn:: I'm still sleepy.
Sleepy and happy. ::smile::

Virgin Blogger No More (Or Something Like That)

Just so you know, I'm using this blog to "be real" as they say.
Whoever "they" are... I don't know.

And I don't care.

I'm creating this because...
sometimes you need to rant and rave.
sometimes you need to bitch and moan.
sometimes you need to complain and criticize.
sometimes you need to cuss and fuss and *go off* on people a little bit.

So this will be my outlet for all of the above.

I have a blog that's my "nice" place. You know: How good life is. How much I love my husband. How blessed I am. How great my daughters are. Etc.

But *this* blog is for my other side.

You know, my not-so-nice side.
My complaining, bitching, whining, yelling, and otherwise "evil twin sister" place.
A place I can talk about people, life and sex in a context I don't use at a place like work.
A place I don't have to "put on my fuck face". (That's what I call it when my husband wants to have sex and I feel like it's really time to give him some, but for whatever reason I don't feel like it, but I do it anyway. I "put on my fuck face" and go in there and have fun, damn it! Whether I want to or not. I typically end up having a grand ol' time. It's just the getting started part that I can have a problem with... I'm odd like that.)

Anyway... I'm getting off track.

Yes, I've taken the wuss' way out by making a new e-mail address.
Live with it.


My first complaint?


WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!
I'm talking about alllll of you people who think the rules apply to "everybody else"!

I am sick and tired of driving with all of you who do NOT follow the rules of the road,
which by the way, people, are actually LAWS!!!

Why do you think it's suddenly okay for *you* to pass somebody on the right (when there *is* no right-hand lane) when they are trying to turn left, but they have to wait for the oncoming traffic. Do you think you are too *good* to wait? Do you think you are too *special* to wait? Do you think waiting is for everybody *else*?
Do you think you can park in that spot even though there's already *somebody else* waiting for it?!? Do you think no one will notice if you get in the other lane to jump in front of that car because you *think* it's going to be too *slow* for you?!?! Do you think it's *okay* to make up your *own* rules?!?!?
Well guess what:

YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE!!!!!

Develop a little patience, for god's sake!
Leave the house five minutes earlier!

I drive a lot for my job, and this is something that's on my mind daily.

But this "not-following-the-rules" thing applies to other situations as well:
* jumping in front of people in lines, instead of *waiting your turn* (something you *should* have learned in freakin' *Kindergarten*!)
* not holding the door open for someone when his or her hands are full
* not showing respect for your elders
* not making your house payment on that house you bought that *you couldn't afford but bought it anyway*!


And stop telling your goddamn children that they don't have to follow the rules either!!!!!


Jesus people!
Give it a rest!




And remember the "Golden Rule":

TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.

Write it down.
Repeat it three times.
Memorize it.
Say it every morning to yourself in the mirror.
Repeat daily.


i'm glad i got that off my chest.