so feel free to leave at any moment.
Just sayin'.
So what is wrong with me!
I think maybe I have Aspergers (or however you spell it).
But even if I do, isn't that just "an excuse"? If a doctor diagnosed me with it, would I simply dismiss this crap because, "I do have Aspergers, after all."
Here's what started this shit today.
I was walking down the hall with a teacher (to go fix my work e-mail), when I remembered I had "friended" him on FaceBook, and he had ignored me.
Okay, so I don't really know him that well, but there are soooo many others who work there who *have* accepted my friend request, and I don't really know them so well... And I really admire him and think he's just so... cool! (NO, I am not looking for an affair. I firmly believe he's gay.)
...And why don't I have any real friends, anyway? Oh, I have friends, but they're really *family*, so they sort of love me by default, ya know?
...So maybe I'm not "normal", but, really, who is?
And if I'm not "normal enough" to fit in, then maybe I really do belong with those weirdo's I hang out with once in awhile who are all Pagans.
...But I don't really feel "right" with them, either.
So... who *do* I fit in with? The "popular kids" don't want me. I don't want "the weirdo's". So where do I go?
And usually it's fine with me that I'm that odd bus token in a bag of coins, but then... sometimes... it just really gets to me.
And then I get all depressed and worried that there's something really wrong with me. And why *don't* I have friends, anyway.
Okay, so I don't always follow "the norm". I don't get too involved with others. I don't ask probing questions, 'cause I figure if someone wants me to know all that personal stuff, they'll TELL me!
But then, I also figure if they want to know personal stuff about *me*, they'll ASK me.
... So just how fucked up *is* that?
Or maybe I don't even wanna know. Maybe I'll just stroll along for a couple of months or so, feeling just fine, until that third or fourth month when I start getting this low feeling and wondering why I have no true deep friendships other than my family.
You know, family's not so bad.
They put up with my bullshit and STILL love me in spite of it all.
... But there's still this nagging little feeling that a truly good friend would still love me too, in spite of it all.
...Maybe I need to see somebody.
Maybe I'll just have some wine, instead.
