Retractable

I have always been open and honest with my daughters about boys and sex and love and all that goes along with that.

When Bunny was about 5 years old, she asked me where babies come from.

We sat down with a fairly-age-appropriate book, and I read and explained the pictures to her.

As they have grown, I have answered their questions, and listened to whatever they felt like sharing with me.

There have been times, of course, when it was just a bit too much information, but I listened anyway ('cause it's most likely been vice-versa, ya know).

I always wanted them to know that I am there for them, and that they can tell me anything or ask me anything, and I will always listen and answer with the truth.

I have very frequently said over the years, "If you don't really want to know, don't ask me!", so of course, they have adopted this stance with me, too.

They came to me when they thought it was time to buy a bra.

They came to me when they wanted advice about school dances.

They came to me when they got boyfriends (and Bunny cried and cried on my shoulder when her "first true love" broke up with her).

And they came to me when they thought it was time to go on the pill ('cause I'm ALL about protection! "No Glove, No Love" is frequently heard in our house.). I even buy condoms for them, 'cause I don't want any excuses.

A couple of weeks ago we went on a 4 hour drive to go visit my Mother, and on the ENTIRE trip, we (they) talked about sex the entire time!!!

(Did I mention the drive was FOUR hours?!)

So I suppose what happened the other night really shouldn't suprise me.

But I suppose I am still "shockable".

My 19-year-old daughter Bunny asked me if I'd like to go for a walk with her. No biggie. She just wanted company as she walked the dog.

We chatted about this and that as we strolled down the street.

Of course she, being a horn-dog like her father, began talking about her typical topic - sex.

I don't exactly remember how the conversation rolled around to this ('cause I was doing good to keep putting one foot in front of the other), but she proclaimed,

"I wish I had a penis! It would be so cool to have a penis. But I don't want a regular penis, or a strap-on. I want a Retractable Penis!"

Holy shit!

What?!

Apparently she wants a penis that she can use when she wants to, similar to a strap-on but it has feeling in it, yet be able to put it away (but not too far!) when she doesn't want to use it. (Sort of like a horse has, I guess.)

She still wants to have a pussy, she just wants a penis TOO!

Talk about having your cake and fucking it too. Damn!

I guess that's one of the problems with today's generation, isn't it? They just want every-damn-thing!

So, what's next? A semi-sex-change? How do you explain that one to a doctor? "Hey doc, do you think you could do me a REALLY big favor...?"

I'll leave it for another day to tell you about the things my 17-year-old tells me...